12/22/10

Rocking Cool Runnings Benoni


So it`s the end of 2010 and we still don`t have any hovering devices, jetpacks or real understanding what everything`s about ..WTF?
The Upside however is that there will be a spectacular hardrocking performance by Cortina Whiplash on the 29th! This will be our last performance for the year, but don`t fear -2011 is near! Be there and not on the Square...you know you want to PARTY with them girls!

"Cool Runnings is doing for Jo'burg what the Gourmet Burger bar did for the humble patty!"

Catcha fire

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=179039128790513

12/7/10

Visual Update: Taking the Harbour 2010













All pics by: Chris Stamatiou Photography/copyright Chris Stamatiou

11/23/10

Latest Update

Yesterday we started shooting our upcoming music video for "To Amber", suffice it to say we have a new found respect for all the actors we've previously demeaned and insulted. Glamorous it was not but we're super excited about the the end product and can't wait till we can share it with everyone. Yipee!

We're also off to Durban again later this week and we're taking our good friend and photographer Chris Stamatiou along to document the journey. Chris is going to be bound by a strict, water-tight confidentiality agreement in the unlikely event that any unsavory photographs end up in the batch...hehe

Check out some of Chris's work at:

http://chrisstamatiouphotography.blogspot.com/

Have a listen to our music :

http://www.reverbnation.com/cortinawhiplash

11/14/10

Pay The Musicians!

"Lately, I’ve been saddened to hear about artists who are fighting for payments from event organisers or promoters. This past week, I’ve spoken to at least 3 artists who are engaged in a deadlock over due money. Sadly, without contracts, they’ll probably never see a cent from those rat bastards.

In fact, forget about what I’ve just said, I’m actually enraged about this. Here’s the simple and plain truth from your friendly neighbourhood music journalist: don’t bitch about not being able to live off of your craft if you continue to devalue it and refuse to utilise contracts (they’re like the equivalent of condoms, while the music scene is pretty much the filthy whore).

If you’re playing without a 50% upfront fee and a contract, please go to your garage right now (I’m not joking, do it!), dig around in the toolbox for the heaviest hammer you can find, go inside the house and smash your instrument to pieces – I’ve just saved you. Hallelujah!

Passion vs. money

Sometimes, when you’re asking for money, which seems to be a curse word in this godforsaken industry, slick and shady characters might question your passion levels or genuine love for music and probably tell you stupid shit like “where’s the passion, dude? You should be grateful to just get your art out there” or “this is an awesome opportunity for you. You should actually be paying me to reach the masses”. Despite these brain-farts and warped sense of reality, the truth is that if you play, they should pay. It’s really a no-brainer here. You diminish your value and worth as an artist every time you get up on a stage for peanuts. Yes, artists also have a right to get paid.

Think you’re selling out by playing for money? Well, then I’m a sell-out for writing for money. The promoter is a sell-out. The venue is a sell-out. Your mom is a sell-out. Heck, even your dog is a sell-out for eating branded dog food – get my point? Selling out is a redundant term in a society that needs (not wants) money to survive – shit doesn’t just grow on trees, you know?

As the girls from Cortina Whiplash said, “Musicians spend a lot of time rehearsing, travelling, maintaining their gear, studying and working on their trade; what gives anyone the right not to compensate them for that?” "

- Sergio Pereira

Go read more here:


11/8/10

Next Big Thing - LW Mag interview

"We interview the funky, spunky, fiesty and super-talented ladies from Cortina Whiplash - the Next Big Thing and a band sure to shake things up in the music industry. Be prepared for some no holds barred answers - these ladies are the furtherest thing from dull, will make you laugh and most importantly - make you want to check out one of their gigs! We think they're awesome!"

-LW Mag

Here`s the link link!

http://lwmag.co.za/music/next-big-thing-cortina-whiplash/

As 2010 winds to a close

we reflect on what we've achieved, what we've done wrong, who wore what where (not really).

and in conclusion, as a band we've realized that as cool as we think we are we'll never be cool enough for some people, and instead of wondering what we can do to change that perception we've accepted that all the money in the world can't buy those people taste. It's been a tough acknowledgment to have to make but we've finally realized that their poor taste has nothing to do with us because we're just plain awesome. (Hey, we love ourselves and that's ok).

Did we ever want to be in a position to have to convince people to buy our 'product'? No! we just want to be freakin' musicians and if there was a way to do that fulltime without having to make money from it well then you probably wouldn't see us scrambling to get recognition from this industry. That's right, we'd be existing happily in our little world where artists add value to society, making music and trying to get in touch with the truth behind our existence. So excuse us if we don't eat s*&! to do what we do. One day maybe people will realize that freedom of expression has more value than insurance brokers or meat dresses. Hell maybe one day the doctors from Medecins sans frontieres will get a reality tv show and some respect for what they do instead of the empty, shallow crap we get bombarded with every day.

We're musicians who dream of a brighter future and in the meantime we express ourselves through our music and try as best as we can to fit into this strange, backwards world we find ourselves a part of.

Peace in the Middle East

10/28/10

Upcoming Shows

Fri 29/10
Gossip Bar - Dress up or die Halloween party

Sat 20/10
Vredefest
Klerksdorp with Tidal Waves & Octanium

Sat 13/11
HOOLA ZOMBIE / Hawaiian Undead party
- Cool Runnings Victory Park
with The Shadow Club-
Dress up & get in for free

Sun 21/11
Cool Runnings Hatfield
, Unplugged

Fri 26/11
The Winston
, KZN with Sibling Rivalry

Sat 27/11
The Red Door Festival
, Pietermaritzburg with The Otherwise & Catlike Thieves

Sun 28/11
Rock Bottom
, Clarens


Durban Delight

What’s the one thing you shouldn’t forget to pack when you’re heading to Durban? That’s right, your bathing suit. What did I forget to pack? Right again, my bathing suit. So what’s a “weird, hillybilly punkster” (Dave Mac – Muse Magazine) to do? Why improvise of course! You may have noticed that we Cortina girls don’t really have much “skaam” so there we were, our white, pasty, un-toned bodies frolicking gleefully on the beach, me in my undies and Loandi and I both squealing joyfully as we played paddle tennis. Let me also add here that Durbanites have the nicest bodies, I guess it pays to live near the ocean.

Playing at the Thunderoad rock fest in Durban was a momentous show for us because for the first time as a band we were flown in to play one show and then flown back home. Usually we spend hours on the road, nipping down to Cape Town or Mozambique over a weekend and then nipping back. Perhaps ‘nipping’ isn’t the right word, trekking might describe more adequately the experience of driving 14 hours to play one show. So, although we may not quite have our “air legs” just yet it was a welcomed change from the arduous drives we’ve become accustomed to and of course Loandi is always there to hold back your hair if you feel nauseous during turbulent moments.


As for Durban gigs in general, this is the second one we’ve played on the East Coast and quite frankly Durban is one of our favourites, so far the hospitality, the crowds, and the organizers have all been tops in Durban. Thanks Taryn, Jono, The City Bowl Mizer lads, the people who attended and Sven for making it a great trip - we look forward to our return at the end of November - watch Facebook for details


10/19/10

The Tuks FM 107.2 story so far..

Use your voice to demonstrate to Tuks FM 107.2 the power of good taste and social media! Request Cortina Whiplash until they have no choice but to play the music of the people!

http://www.facebook.com/TuksFM


We've decided to document our attempts to try and get some airplay on our local rock 'n roll station Tuks FM 107.2.


The story so far:

We personally delivered our album and press kit to the Tuks FM 107.2 offices about two months ago and had to email the music manager (who is apparently no longer the music manager) numerous times before getting the following email:

Dear Avriel (who the hell is Avriel?)

"Thank you for submitting your material to TUKS FM 107.2. Unfortunately it has been decided not to playlist your material. Please feel free to submit any other material in future.

Have a rocking day!!"

Have a rocking day.... how patronizing.

We have subsequently failed to get ANY response from Tuks FM 107.2 to our numerous emails asking simply for a reason why they refuse to air our music.

THE CORTINA PERSPECTIVE:

Like, we're a rock 'n roll band from Pretoria, if we can't get airplay on our local rock 'n roll station what gives? Why do we always have to look outside of Pretoria for any recognition and independent thought? (No offense to the few wildly independent thinkers in Pretoria)

Is it Pretoria? Is it the people? Is it such a bad thing to break from the standard commercial, predictable chord changes for just a moment and try something new? Are we the only ones hungry and desperate for some change? For someone to grow a left brain and start airing music that hasn't been on the same Tuks playlist since 1999? For someone crazy ass mother f*%&*& to play something interesting, say something interesting, and do something interesting!

I'm worried I tell you, with all the pent up, repressed energy in this town pretty soon something is gonna give and that's when we'll get some crazy ass mother f%&8## opening fire on all the 'hippies' at drum circle.

So in the interest of public safety, we implore you to implore Tuks FM 107.2 to play some Cortina Whiplash.

Peace in the Middle East!

10/12/10

THUNDERROAD FEST DURBAN - Here we come!




The next Cortina Whiplash gig will be in Durban and we can't wait to be coast side with all the fine Durbanites.






The Hosts:

Jah-Know Buu
Bob PERFECT

The Bands:

City Bowl Mizers
New Holland
Cortina Whiplash
GO! GO! Bronco
T.H.O.T.S
Fruit and Veggies
The Royal

Th DJs:

Kevin 'SPINDOCTOR'
DJ Dylan

Beer Garden
Mechanical Bull
Air Blimp
Food Stands
Shooter Bars.

SAFE and SECURE PARKING for R20 (off Jako Jackson RD)

Entrance: R80 AT THE DOOR!


Rock an` Roll !!

MUSE ONLINE SOUTH AFRICA | ONLINE MUSIC MAGAZINE

Thanks Sergio Pereira for the tastefully snazzy article and album review in this month's Muse Magazine. If you're cool you'll know where to find a copy and you'll also know that they're FREE!

You can also check it out online:


http://museonline.co.za/web/articles.php?artno=640



Cortina Whiplash

10/4/10

Gig Guide for the weekend

Saturday:
THE CROCODILE ROCK FEST!

Line-Up:

Frankie Fire
Juggernaught
D-Day Forever
Better of Blind
Demetophobia
Cortina Whiplash
Man As Machine
Smoots
Glens End
Hybrid Tribe
BackMouth
Chiba Fly
Frankie Fire
Gently Scarr'd
Black Cat Bones
Hoot 'n Anny
Allan John Band


* * *


This Sunday we are celebrating the life of Wouda Rosenzweig who tragically passed away on 1st September. He was the legendary music manager at The Bohemian pub and was known for his love of Stoli Vodka . Wouda was a good friend to many a musician and was instrumental in transforming the Bohemian into one of the most important live music venues in the country. Wouda was attributed as a respected artist...passionate about music... and giving up and coming bands and artistes the chance to showcase their music. As a tribute to this great man and his work a number of bands are performing at the Bohemian, most of whom owe a great deal to Wouda for helping them kickstart their life in the rock and roll scene.

Confirmed Line-Up:

13:30 U.F.O.
14:15 Lu De Pina ( from One Night Stands) - solo act
15:00 Fret
15:45 ShortStraw
16:30 Cortina Whiplash
17:30 The Stellas
18:30 Brixton moord
19:30 Dead Alphabet
20:30 The Black Jacks
21:30 The Shadowclub

Entrance: R50
Time: 13h00

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=143669432342880&ref=mf


If I had a penny for every time I’ve seen a hippopotamus with painted toenails I’d have… one.

If I had a penny for every time someone has underestimated this band I’d be filthy rich!

So hear this and hear it good…

DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THIS BAND!

You’ve been warned.



9/27/10

Upcoming Gigs - October

Cortina Whiplash would like to thank each and every fan for your support, from South-Africa to the UK, USA, Canada, Germany, Australia, Israel, South-Korea, Netherlands, Chile, Denmark, India, New Zealand, Namibia, Norway, Philippines, Belgium, United Arab Emirates to Botswana!!!! We hope to be touring your city very soon.


Dates to look out for:

09 Oct:
Hartebeespoort, Crocodile Rock Fest
10 Oct:
The Bohemian, Wouda Tribute Show
22 Oct:
Durban
28 Oct:
Pretoria-North, Gossip Bar
30 Oct:
Klerksdorp, VredeFest


Catch you on the Flip-side





9/17/10

Just a thought...

The thing about 'à la mode' is that if you hold out long enough whatever your style may be, it’ll come back into fashion, in fact it will become fashionable because it was unfashionable, you could say that unfashionable is the new black. So if you're not one for fads just cling tightly and stubbornly to your favorite look and one day you'll be the coolest mofo on the block.!


Be that as it may, all things considered, the most fashion forward accessory still remains individuality. We need more people who consciously try and wade through all the unrelenting media suggestiveness to determine their own ideals and style as far as humanly possible because the world has always been pushed forward by the ideas of individuals who weren't sucked into the mass consciousness, people whose ideas were radical and against the stream.
Just a thought.

9/9/10

Mozambique


Tar. Tar. Tollgate. Tar. Goats. Tar. Cows. Tar. Potholes. Tar. Wait. Tar. More Tar. And so it goes for about 10 hours. I wish I could say that the drive down to Mozambique was more thrilling, but besides for Loandi saving me from a bad judgment call involving a roadside boiled egg sprinkled with aromat (probably more for her own safety than mine) we made it to the border without incident. Oh wait, there was that 80km detour to the border of Swaziland we took whilst I was sleeping in the back, did I mention we missed our border crossing by 5 minutes and that we were supposed to play our show that same night? In the interest of maintaining peace and order within our ranks I shall not labour the point any further but suffice it to say my genius and sense of direction are not shared by all.


What I will labour is the serious lapse in judgment on all of our parts in attempting to illegally cross the Mozambican border; I mean there’s a freakin’ AK-47 on their flag for chrissakes, which should’ve been a serious warning sign. But sitting there in that temporary bamboo hut with a guy called Grey, waiting to hear news of our imminent border crossing, I couldn’t help but feel that I was in a scene from Far Cry 2, the hairs were standing up on the back of my neck as I waited for the Jackal to double cross us. Fortunately plans fell through for the illegal fence jump and we later heard from a reliable source that such an endeavor would’ve probably resulted in us being shot at or doing time in a decrepit Mozambican jail. So… phew. We live to see another day!


Instead, we spend most of the night drinking at a bar in Kosi Bay that took us hours to find mainly because some sadistic assholes have put signs up for backpackers and B&B’s that lead into the dunes and eventually lead to nowhere and I could’ve sworn I heard the giggles of locals as we stopped to debate our next move. Again the frustration was quelled by the fact that it felt like Far Cry 2 driving around the African back roads in a gangsta jeep, which makes me wonder what the long term effects of extended Xbox game play really are.

Fortunately on our arrival in Ponta Malongane people were happy to see us alive and well as rumours of our attempted border crossing had spread (and inadvertently upped our rock ‘n roll street cred) we were allotted a new time slot after Valiant Swart, who I might add made it through the entire festival without Loandi spilling any beer on him.


In life you can’t truly appreciate the good things without the bad to juxtapose them and after such an arduous journey stepping foot onto the beach at Malongane was like being granted access into heaven (the heaven where I get to hang with Jimi by the pool). Add some great tunes into the mix, a bar that overlooks the beach, some good friends and you’ll realize that there is nowhere better on earth.


All that said, the best things I took away from the festival were that there are many like-minded people out there who are keen to seek out music that is unique and honest, that people recognized in us the fact that we aren’t doing what we’re doing to please the masses but rather to please our own selfish agendas and that that’s a good place to start. That life is good and bad and sometimes both at once but as long as you keep breathing you’ll be OK. That my band mates and I keep growing as friends and can endure any setbacks as long as we add a good measure of humour into the mix.


I’m going to end this now because I don’t think there are many “readers” who’ve made it this far anyway, so blah blah if you aren’t reading this you look like a buttfaced greyhound har har har.


Oh if you are reading this, thanks.


Onwards and upwards to Potchefstroom!


P.S. If any local says “Welcome to Mozambique” it means you’re about to part with more of your money.

Peace in the Middle East


Tessa Lily

9/8/10

This Weekend!













Yes sirreee! Two fantastic shows lined up, tomorrow night we're at Pablo's in Potch and then Friday night we're at the Primi Studio in Rosebank for the Stella's Cut Throat EP launch. And if you still have anything left in you Loandi will be jamming with Jim Neversink for his album launch at the Radium on Saturday night.

8/28/10

Cortina Whiplash @ FORR!!!








Ah, nothing better than a well deserved 4 DAY breakaway, sipping on
some R&R and just taking it reeeeaaaal easy!

Ocean, Sun and Sand , Booze and Bands!

If you are joining us, remember The Saturday of FORR is a fun dress day.
...Bring your "gear" and "flex it"!

Time to be Confirmed.
What the Hell, if you are there you can`t miss us ;)
2-6 September 2010

For more information on the festival visit www.forr.co.za
or contact them at info@forr.co.za
or 082-857-2686.

Bookings: http://www.forr.co.za/Bookings

Catch you on the flip side

8/24/10

How many fans can you alienate in one blog post ? ? ?


As Frank Zappa once said “Most people wouldn't know good music if it came up and bit them in the ass…” and I’d have to agree with him. So why have I put myself in a situation where I’m at the mercy of “most people” and their opinion of our music?What the **%$ was I thinking?


I’ll tell you what I was thinking - I wasn’t thinking at all, I was so engrossed in my love of music and my desire to make music for a living that I never once thought that I’d have to convince society at large to think we’re cooler than everyone else in order to be successful.


This is quite a frightening realization because truth be told we aren’t cooler than everyone else. We are who we are, that’s as much coolness as we can offer, and yes we want to make a living as musicians but if that means buying into our own hype and having to convince others that we’re super awesome I’d rather shut myself up in an empty room and play music to the walls because quite frankly the walls are better at distinguishing good music from bad. I refuse to be judged by an entity I have no respect for.


Its the ultimate catch 22: you need the support of the masses to make a living as a performance musician yet if the masses accept you and your “awesomeness” you have become by default a crap band that believes they’re something bigger than they really are.


I know what you’re thinking, what gives me the right to disassociate myself from society, who knows, independent thought perhaps, good question - all I know is that I’m different.


And so are you, yes you reading this right now: if you weren’t, you probably wouldn’t listen to our music and therefore probably wouldn’t be reading this.


So in closing let me say, we are simply musicians who one day hope not to have to subsidize their careers with other forms of income, we imagine a society that invests in the arts, a society of educated listeners. We have no flashy product, no clever marketing tools, no catchy slogans; we are simply a group of individuals who love making music together and if any band ever tries to convince you that they’re something bigger/deeper/more unique than that, you should be weary.


Peace in the Middle East

Tessa Lily


8/2/10

Angels of Rock 2!


Saturday, 21 August
Cool Runnings, Fourways
R50 entrance
Time: 20:00





SHOW BILL:


Cortina Whiplash
Chix with Stix
We Shall Embrace
Saving Insanity
Dementophobia
Vortex

Disclaimer:

This gig is a showcase of female fronted and all-girl musical projects which is always a good thing, however we found the suggested promotional imagery to be a fairly inappropriate (not to mention inaccurate) representation of ourselves and to an extent found it to be sexist and somewhat porno in nature. Not to say that we dislike porno but as a band we seek to empower young up and coming female musicians and we feel... strongly about blatantly using sex to promote our shows.


So we'd also like to put this debate forth to our
democratic fanbase, after all
everyone is entitled to their opinion.

Do you find this image sexy or sexist?
Post your answer on the event wall we'd like to hear what you guys think.

http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=138382859518803&ref=ts

-----------------------------------------------

All that said we reckon there is nothing better than a night filled with
chicks rocking out so come join the party!!

- Cortina Whiplash


7/24/10

If you expect compliance don't look to Cortina Whiplash

The last people you should expect to toe the line are rock ‘n rollers and besides, without loud-mouthed, opinionated musicians the world would be a terribly boring place. Imagine if there had never been a John Lennon and his “all we are saying is give peace a chance”, no Ozzy and the infamous bat decapitations, no Kanye West interrupting that oh so all-American Taylor Swift (bless you Kanye), no Bob Marley telling us how to chill out and love each other, and the list goes on because there is no end to the musicians who’s messages we relate to no matter how profound or absurd – let’s face it, artists add colour.

Why don’t accountants (no offense to accounts) spend a lot of their time pissing people off with their vociferous opinions? A few reasons:

1. They don’t have microphones.
2. They risk losing their stable jobs.
3. The might care what other people think of them.

Why do musicians seem to enjoy imposing their souls on other people regardless of the repercussions? The converse of all those reasons:

1. They have loud microphones, sometimes with added delay for effect.
2. They don’t have stable jobs.
3. They don’t care what people think of them.
4. They have no choice.

What I’m trying to say is:

As a great democratic society, we have a special responsibility to the arts. For art is the great democrat, calling forth creative genius from every sector of society, disregarding race or religion or wealth or color. What freedom alone can bring is the liberation of the human mind and a spirit which finds its greatest flowering in the free society. I see of little more importance to the future of our country and our civilization than the full recognition of the place of the artist.”
- John F. Kennedy

Thanks John.

Thanks people.
Peace in the Middle East

P.S. Question everything!

7/16/10

Skate forChange Launch Party @ Hotbox Studios!!


The official launch party of Skate for Change 2010. Puddy Zwennis will travel on the 31st of July 2010 on his skateboard from Joburg to Cape town to raise money for the Sos Children's Villages SA. He will have to do 25km a day to complete a distance of a 1800km in 3 months.

Line up:
Isochronous
Cortina Whiplash
Black Pimpin Jesus
Dead Alphabet
Sassquatch
MoeJoe

Entrance:R50

Gates open 19:00
Saturday, July 24, 2010 at 7:00pm
Hotbox Studios
1072 Schoeman Street, Pretoria
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=110589832326437&index=1
Also sms "Puddy" to 38665 to for a R10 don

Cortina Whiplash @ OPPIKOPPI !!!


Friday, August 6, 2010

7:00pm

Oppikoppi “Sexy.Crooked.Teeth” August Festival tickets can now be purchased via EFT / Cash deposit. Please send an email to rene@ticketbreak.co.za with your details and how many tickets you would like to purchase or call them on (012) 327 6601.

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=132957646744482&ref=ts

More to follow !

7/11/10

Our first Facebook hate group!

Our eyes welled up with tears of joy this morning when we were directed to our very first Cortina Whiplash hate group, you know you've 'arrived' when people start hating you.

But that said, we would like to request the following from any potential, future haters...

1. If you hate us enough have the decency to use your real profile to publicize that fact.
2. Please ensure that you use a spell-checker and that your arguments have been well thought-out before posting them in a moment of "Cortina hate rage".
3. Chauvinism is as lame as racism, if you're going to hate us please try hate our music and not the fact that we're women, after all if you hate women and you're a man, yet you're not a gay man where does that leave you in terms of finding a suitable mate?

To directly reference a post from the group, we're not entirely sure what you're "cock-block" post is trying to say but if we've managed to block your cock in someway then we've done well.

And lastly, thank you for taking the time to promote our band.

Now…

To the hundreds of you that pulled into Cool Runnings Fourways to support our launch (this guy included) thank you all so much for coming through, we were overwhelmed by the response and the love! You all rock!

Peace in the Middle East
-Cortina Whiplash
Before we forget...The link !

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=131496516890780&v=wall&ref=ts

6/26/10

++== CORTINA WHIPLASH ALBUM LAUNCH ==++


Start Time:
Friday, July 9, 2010 at 7:30pm
End Time:
Saturday, July 10, 2010 at 2:00am
Location:
Cool Runnings Fourways


..:::::::::With Special Guests:::::::::..

The Slashdogs
The Death Valley Blues Band
The Stellas

Bring your brothers, your lovers, your mothers, and your frienemies...oh yes and your sisters too...

Our debut album "Queen Hyena" will be for sale, nice price, special for you and we promise a night of sensory overload, (in a good way).

R50 gets you in.

Let's rock 'n roll.
-Love and kisses Cortina Whiplash

NOTE: NO SOCCER MATCHES TAKING PLACE THE NIGHT OF THIS EVENT

6/13/10

Queen Hyena is now available online


Queen Hyena by Cortina Whiplash now available at Rhythm Online. http://bit.ly/cTJAz0

MP3 Tracks available @ R7 per Track($0.88) Electronic Fund Transfer now accepted. No Credit Card needed!






Yes boys and girls, we have officially made it happen and we are
very chuffed with all you fans all over the world who support our cause and make us feel good about doing what we do.


Now there is simply no excuse not to add
Cortina Whiplash
to your music collection!


Follow this link here to get started!
http://bit.ly/cTJAz0

Rock`n Roll!

PS:
Rhythm Online now offers Prepaid Credit purchases
at great value (save up to 15%) for faster, more convenient downloads.

5/27/10

UPDATE

I’ve got Patricia Lewis on my mind, it tends to happen from time to time, and would you believe that whenever I think of the glittering Miss Lewis a backtrack starts playing over and over in my head:

*Doof doof doof doof Doof doof doof doof *

“If you think Patricia Lewis is a superstar
Please stop now ‘cause you’ve gone too far

Vanaand praat ek twee taals, you don’t get it

You sound like farting with your arm-pit

I don’t care if you’re half Lebaneeeese!”


The shame!

*sigh*


ANYWAY!


This just in:

Wednesday 02 June you can catch us live and acoustic

at Tanz Café with Last Bout.

Also, don’t forget that this Saturday we’ll be at the Solstice Festival drinking beer and making music check out www.solsticefestival.co.za for details.

”Queen Hyena” will be on sale at both shows for R100, haggling optional*

Peace in the Middle East!

*haggling not optional


5/13/10

CD SNOW ANGELS!

I had a really bad stomach all night and early this morning I passed a huge wind and look what came out! (The cd's not me, heehee, how would I fart myself out myself? Weirdos)


5/6/10

Cortina Whiplash – your one-stop-sausage-fest-friendly band!

There is nothing more entertaining than a “sausage fest” for those of you who can’t guess what a sausage fest is, here is the Urban Dictionary definition: “Any gathering that is made up of an unusually large percentage of guys.”



The irony is that the eventual goal of most sausage fests is to dilute said sausage fest with ladies, but somehow these testosterone-fueled groups seem to shun women rather than attract them. Last night a bakkie load of gelled-hair, toight-jeaned male youths pulled up next to me…. winking and inappropriate comments ensued, I left. The point? Unknown. Perhaps they were simply trying to gain acceptance from their sausaged peers. I guess it’s kind of unfair, I mean when a group of girls get together it’s a normal everyday occurrence, that’s what we do, we get together, we talk and we don’t ever have to justify the fact that there aren’t any men around.

Where am I going with this? I don’t know, the beauty of a blog is that there never has to be any real point. I don’t need an introduction, body or conclusion I can just ramble on and on about anything that enters my psyche and seeing as things are relatively quiet on the Cortina front that just happened to be sausage fests.

That said, Cortina Whiplash hereby extend their warmest welcome to all sausage fests, come rock out with your c**** out at one of our shows and embrace your boy-friends in a non-judgmental environment filled with love, music and good times. Cortina Whiplashyour one-stop-sausage-fest-friendly band!

What happens to photographers at the end of Cortina Whiplash shoots

Pic by Auriel

5/1/10

Did you know sunflowers are not only pretty to look at but they also provide us with sunflower oil and yummy sunflower seeds!

knew that did you…. well then …... don’t I feel awkward.


Spread the love, spread the word, spread the music, join our mailing list and street team in six easy steps:



Step 1. Click on this link http://www.reverbnation.com/cortinawhiplash?add_email=true
Step 2. Fill in your email address
Step 3: Make us proud by posting our banner and music on your social networking
profile/website/blog
Step 4: Share our music with your animals, friends and neighbors.
Step 5: Bake for 5 minutes.
Step 6: ENJOY!

Our Success partially rests in Your hands, Cortina Whiplash - the Obama of bands
say "MAYBE WE CAN!"

4/19/10

New track on Myspace and Facebook

So we’ve hit a slight snag with the intellectual property rights and SAMRO and our album printing can’t be finalized until all that has all been cleared, something about the “law” and stuff. I’m just going to stop saying that our album is almost ready now. I think I’ve been saying that for a couple of months already.

I hereby solemnly vow that until I am making snow-angels in a pile of our CD’s I will not update this page to say that our album is “almost done”.

To tide you all over we’ve posted a new track on Myspace and Facebook. This is the album’s namesake and our slight foray into reggae; ladies and gentlemen I give you Queen Hyena”.


Enjoy!

4/14/10

Pic by Hanro Havenga

BRINGING BACK THE MOONBAG… BRINGING BACK THE GRUNGE!

The moon bag, to most a symbol of bad taste but to a small few a nostalgic throwback to the days of grunge music, you see to me the moon bag represents a time when practicality took priority over image, when people wrote their own lyrics, when an entire generation got so sick of the cocaine-induced, electro-pop of the 80’s that they completely stripped it down and started a musical revolution.

I'm talking about the grunge era people, and let it be known...

Cortina Whiplash are bringing back the grunge!

I was watching Mtv the other day and something very sinister struck me, every smooth, young face staring back at me was to-good-to-be-true attractive. It would seem that having a “marketable” image has taken priority over how good a musician you are. I mean, do we really need to see Alicia Keys fake-riding BMW motorbikes in her videos, is that what it’s come to, how many times you can flash your logo in 3:30 mins? The way I see it, it’s like putting lipstick on a pig, it’s still a pig, and the “decoration” only serves to detract from the fact that the product is bad.

So that’s why Cortina Whiplash have decided to strip it down just like our grunge forefathers did. Our fashion sense is bad and our music isn't motivated by the $$$$. It’s time that the over-produced, one-hit-wonders of the world step aside, stop the theatrics and make room for the next wave of the revolution.

Peace in the Middle East

Tessa Lily

4/7/10



THE RANDOM MUSINGS OF A LEBANESE HALFBREED

Edition 1.4


Tempted as I am to discuss the images of young Neo-Nazis and imperialist-hating cretins (what a good word, thanks Winnie) being relentlessly flashed before me, I shall resist. But before I move on I just want to say one thing: “'Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.”


“Oh the hills are alive, with the sound of music…”


We’ve just returned from playing the Splashy Fen music festival in the Underberg of Kwazulu-Natal, it was our first time attending, we’ve survived many Oppikoppi’s, a KKnK, some Aardklop, Woodstock but never been to Splashy Fen for some reason, and I just have to say that it was not only beautiful, but well organized - an all round winner. The arrogant me would say that it wouldn’t have been as amazing if we hadn’t played, there is something spectacularly divine that happens when Cortina Whiplash play a gig somewhere, it’s as if their music spreads pure joy. But of course that would be inappropriate and extremely bias.

I figure if every one else is living in a delusion I might as well join in the fun. In my delusion, Cortina Whiplash have the space and funding to only spend their time writing music and becoming better musicians. We also have a pet baby cayman alligator called Snuffy.


What’s it like in your delusion?


Peace in the Middle East

The Lebanese Assassin


Facebook : Cortina Whiplash

3/28/10

3/25/10

THE RANDOM MUSINGS OF A LEBANESE HALFBREED

Edition 1.3

The funny thing about ignorance is that when you’re ignorant you don’t know it because you’re ignorant. I love that.

It’s like being tone-deaf, you don’t know you’re tone deaf unless someone tells you but you’d never believe them because maybe the person telling you is just jealous of your talent.

I’ve often wondered how tone deaf people perceive music. If so many people in the world are tone deaf how do they enjoy music and distinguish which types of music they really like? Do tone deaf people hear music the way other people do but have problems when it comes to repeating what they’ve heard? Or do they perceive notes in a totally different range and pitch to the way others do? Fascinating stuff really, I wish I could be in the body of a tone deaf person for a day, perhaps it would explain why so many people are into house music.

As for Cortina Whiplash, I like to think we’re not tone deaf but then again we could all be living in ignorant, tone deaf la la land.

This potential la la land has resulted in an album which is officially in print today; I mean there is literally a machine pumping out copy after copy of “Queen Hyena” as I type this. On top of that, we saw a preview of our first music video yesterday and we are super chuffed with the result, can’t wait to share it with everyone. A big thank you to Rob, Jason, Ashlee, Marina and team for all their effort and to everyone who rocked out for us at the video shoot!

Peace in the Middle East.

The Lebanese Assassin.


For additional randomness and gig updates join our fanpage.

Facebook : Cortina Whiplash


3/14/10

VIDEO AND ALBUM PROGRESS

We’re excited to announce that our album is entirely complete from the artwork to the mastering to the pre-bought bottles of JC le Roux, I mean Crystal, we’re ready to pop open in celebration. The album will be printed in the next 2/3 weeks and then we’re ready to unleash our bastard child onto the world. Don’t expect “Queen Hyena” to be available in Look and Listen anytime soon, we’re doing this indie people, online, at gigs, grassroots sort of stuff. Let’s radically alter the face of the big corporate music industry and ensure that the people who make the most money from their music are the artists who create that music!


As for our debut video, after much debate it was decided that we would do our first video for a track we like to call “Oh for P”. We chose this track because it, well basically because it rocks. The first day of shooting went really well and we’re endlessly thankful to everyone who pulled through and spent the entire day being energetic fans, you all are the most attractive bunch of people we’ve ever seen. We also want to thank Dotsquare for their patience and enthusiasm whilst filming. The 2nd and final day of shooting happens this Tuesday and then on to the editing suites. We’ll be sure to let everyone know when the video debuts on MK and will definitely upload a copy to Youtube, indie people, indie. Don’t expect this video to air on SABC 3 anytime soon …

And remember, always drink bourbon whilst wearing a turban.
-Cortina Whiplash


Pic by Chris Stamatiou

3/10/10

THE RANDOM MUSINGS OF A LEBANESE HALFBREED

Edition 1.2

“Honestly…

Who throws a shoe?”


I miss the early 90’s, back then no one had porcelain veneers on their teeth, people were real man, yellow-stained, jagged truth. Cigarettes were cheap and the Stuyvesant man skied joyfully down a clear white, snowy mountain top.

- hence the yellow-stained teeth I suddenly realize-


Anyway point is,

life was simpler back then or at least the illusion was easier to believe.

More on this later.


Peace in the Middle East.

The Lebanese Assassin.


3/9/10

About Cortina Whiplash

The simple fact is that Cortina Whiplash are not just three hot chicks on stage. They’re awesome performers and natural musicians. They rip through the stage and crowd with abandon, without sacrificing a note, with balls, bad boy energy and sheer style” – Nathan Zeno, Levi’s Original Music Magazine

That said they are also, coincidentally three hot chicks, which begs the question, what could be better than a unique, cutting edge and downright bad-ass rock ‘n roll band? Answer: An all-girl, unique, cutting edge and downright bad-ass rock ‘n roll band

Cortina Whiplash were born out of the revolutionary spirit of Afrikaans girl band Rokkeloos who were often hailed as the “female Fokof” for their outspoken and insightful lyricism and also for the part they played in changing the face of the Afrikaans rock circuit. As motherhood beckoned for one of the Rokkeloos members the remaining three decided to re-form as Cortina Whiplash and branch off into the English market.

A proverbial melting pot of influences, Cortina Whiplash are like a good curry, many different flavors but at the end of the day its all about the chemistry and with a dash of Lebanese, a touch of farm-girl, and a drummer who at 16 learnt to play whilst hitching across the country, these girls definitely have the flavor, as for the chemistry, well that dear reader is all in the tasting.

Picture the monotony of yet another slicked up, emo-haired, boy-youth strumming open chords on his guitar, broken by the sight of a leopard-print clad vixen singing about burying her ex-lover on a desert back-road whilst she straddles her bass nonchalantly between her legs. Somewhere where porn and Broadway musicals meet lies the experience of Cortina Whiplash live, they would’ve been the resident band at Jack Nicholson’s parties back in the day.

Their debut EP entitled ‘Queen Hyena’ references the matriarchal nature of hyenas and was produced by Brendan Jury, who was assisted by Neal Snyman, two of the South African music industry’s most talented minds। Set for release in early 2010 ‘Queen Hyena’ has already garnered a lot of attention and will be one of the defining musical creations of the year.


3/8/10

…:::CORTINA WHIPLASH PRESENTS::::…

THE RANDOM MUSINGS OF A LEBANESE HALFBREED

Edition 1.000

I like to exude a calm, unassuming exterior, I always have but as with most calm, unassuming seeming people there is an eccentric crack-head lurking just below the surface, an alter ego if you will, a persona that needs to find release and this my dear reader is it’s platform.

For instance, whilst writing this introductory edition I was sidetracked by the thought of boobs which led to the Googling of “ascii boobs” which led to this:


Perfect Breasts (o)(o) Fake Silicone Breasts ( + )( + )

High Nipple Breasts (*)(*) Big Nipple Breasts (@)(@)

A Cups oo D Cups { O }{ O }

Wonder Bra Breasts (oYo) Cold Breasts ( ^ )( ^ )

Lopsided Breasts (o)(O) Pierced Breasts (Q)(Q)

Hanging Tassels Breasts (p)(p)

Flat-Against-The-Shower-Door Breasts ( - )( - )

Android Breasts |o||o| Porn Star Breasts ($)($)


Which in turn led to the realization that there are some extremely creative yet bored people in the world for which I have much respect and gratitude and I suppose in writing this circular I hope to become one of them. In a world where everything is contrived, over-produced or has already been done before what do we really have to offer but a little bit of realism and honesty and the reality is that I’m no-one special, neither are you, neither is Oprah, nor Zuma. Sure so some us drive nice cars, some of us will have to live through genocide, the ultimate truth remains... none of us know why we’re here. We’re like organic chickens living gleeful, free-roaming lives unaware of the inevitable demise that awaits us. Except that we do know what awaits us, therefore I can only surmise that denial must be the key to our survival. Think about it, if we truly acknowledged how short life is would we really have time for things like Hanna Montana or Brangelina or square watermelons, or Christian rock music? Lord knows I’ve tried to rationalize such things but in a world without reason denial is your only friend.

So in the spirit of denial we deny that our music is in any way familiar with the homosexual conduct or drug use of George Michael. We further deny that Marilyn Manson makes poignant observations about society in his music. Further still, we deny that Joost nicknamed his own penis the “NicNac”. So let us embrace all those who deny that they deny and especially those that will be denied entrance into heaven। Amen।


Until next time, Peace in the Middle East.

The Lebanese Assassin.


For additional randomness and gig updates join our fanpage.

Facebook : Cortina Whiplash