We are ready to take the stage and rock your socks off like never before! Join us at Town Hall for The Stella's Video ReLaunch Party!
I’ve been giving it a lot of thought and I’ve come to the conclusion that music is a lot like sport.
You see I often marvel at sport’s ability to connect people no matter what their differences and I’m fascinated by how guys chasing after a ball and sort of, but not quite, touching each others’ balls can have people glued to their TVs. I watch with wonderment as the outcome of a match dictates peoples’ emotional state for the day and to be honest with you all the while I secretly wish that local music had the same hold and impact on people.
I guess with sport you always know what you’re going to get, there’ll be a loser and there’ll be a winner and they’ll both be praying to god to win, and god will be too busy being an omnipotent, unimaginably magnificent being to give a shit, but that’s not the point...point is, there are a lot of rubbish bands around so I can understand why people feel like, when it comes to music, they don’t always know what they’re going to get. At the same time there are a lot of brilliant bands out there and let’s face it you have to wade through a lot of B.S before you find a diamond. Today everyone who owns an electronic device can make a tune and put it out there so be prepared to wade the crap out of that crap.
But back to sport and music.
Think of bands like ‘teams’ and gigs like ‘matches’. There will be winners and there will be losers, sometimes everyone will lose and sometimes everyone will win. There will be good sportsmanship between bands but sometimes it will get dirty. I like to think of sound engineers as ‘referees’ who occasionally “fix” gigs with bad sound ruining the most brilliantly talented band’s game. Of course some refs are fantastic and get kick drums sounding so phat you can feel the beat in your chest. And who doesn’t love a streaker? The analogy is endless.
My point? I don’t have to have a point.
End.
Let it be known that when we do return in full force next year we'll be even more tasteless and vulgar than ever (yet with a bigger sense of irony). We are the cold, hard, ugly truth and we're here to stay. So to all of you who've tried to sabotage us, underestimated us, attempted to belittle us, projected their emotional issues or feelings of inadequacy on us, or behaved in any other lame manner towards this band we spit on you *ptweey* and we say, "You missed the point douche!" when you get it we'll be waiting at the poolside bar and so will the rest of the fantastic people we call our friends.
Address:
It’s been a while since I’ve bloggidy blog blogged, I would get into the reasons why but I’m afraid I’d reveal too much about my sordid personal life and that would be inappropriate in a forum like this. All you need to know is that I’m a hard-working musician with a full time career in subsidising my music career.
Speaking of music, I thank the heavens everyday that I met my band mates and that we make the music that we do. The more we go along the more we realise the importance of making music for ourselves without worrying about whether or not it’ll get radio play, or whether it’s pseudo-intellectual enough to convince the pseudo-intellectuals that it’s OK to like it (what is a pseudo-intellectual you ask? http://www.urbandictionary.
So what’s changed? I guess the more we gig the more we realise that the people who are going to identify with what we do will do so regardless of how “mainstream” our music sounds. In fact the more we compromise ourselves the more we alienate the people who will truly appreciate what we’re trying to achieve.
Lately I’ve been struggling to come to terms with the amount of generic bands there are on the local scene. These bands aren’t necessarily made up of bad musicians, well some of them are but most of them are tight and well rehearsed, it’s just that the music they play has been played over and over a million times before so that listening to it is like listening to a fridge hum. And the lyrical content, oh the lyrical content, just because it rhymes doesn’t mean you should use it in your song. For godsakes will someone please stand up and say something interesting! I beg you, I implore you, I beseech you!
But for all my bitching there are of course always the exceptions, every once in a while we are fortunate enough to be in the presence of a true artist and it is these moments that make life worth living. To all of you talented, gifted musicians who possess the ability to so eloquently express the things we all wish we could (you know who you are) I thank you with all my heart for existing.
For the moment things are quiet enough on the Cortina front for me to write a blog or two about, well about whatever I damn well choose.
But let’s keep it relevant shall we? We’ve just returned from our Quickie Kwa-Zulu Natal tour and boy oh boy was it… random.
At The Winston we had the pleasure of Destiny the stripper on stage with us which seemed to evoke minor outrage in some and quiet pleasure in others (especially the guy who got a free lap dance after our show). This is what we have to say about Destiny:
Let it be known that Destiny wasn’t our idea but when we were told that she’d be joining us on stage (by our fearless sponsor Roxanne) we didn’t put up any resistance because we don’t see anything wrong with a woman doing what she loves doing even if that entails nudity because we also don’t see anything wrong with nudity (public nudity at that), we were all born naked – correct? So if you have a problem with nudity you essentially have a problem with God’s will. I mean really, every time you look down at your own penis/vagina do you cringe in terror? Don’t get me started. Let it also be known that having live strip shows during our performances will not be a standard practice for Cortina Whiplash, we feel that it detracts from our music because, well because in this A.D.D age it’s hard enough to hold an audience captive without having a large-breasted, naked lady gyrating on stage whilst we play. I’m sure you understand. Plus she has more boob than all of us put together and that doesn’t help our cause either. But to Destiny we’d like to say, thanks for jamming with us, you have a real talent - so use the shit out of it. Coincidentally Destiny was the only one who could afford to buy our album on the night.
Durban is fast becoming our favourite place to perform, best crowds and by far the best party. Durban gigs are the stuff legends are made of.
And so on we went to the Smoking Dragon Women’s festival at the Ampitheatre Backpackers nestled just close enough to the Drakensburg Mountains to make it a breathtakingly beautiful setting and yet not close enough to make us feel guilty for not doing any hiking. This festival highlighted female artists only and we got to enjoy the talents of a wide variety of ladies. There were some truly exceptional individuals on display and it’s always refreshing to encounter new artists who are so good at what they do they inspire you to be better. Besides the great music we have to say that the venue and the organisers of the festival did a spectacular job, the sound was great, the vibe was great, this was definitely one of the best festivals we’ve played so far. Regardless of whether we play it again next year I think it’s safe to say that we’ll be back.
And lastly we had the Pink Girlfest in Volksrust. Best view from a stage ever.
Ok bye.
Tess.
I know what you’re all thinking…
“When is Cortina Whiplash going to release a pan flute version of their music?”
Wonder no longer.
Cortina Whiplash presents:
“Pan Flute Magic” Cortina Whiplash songs re-imagined.
Coming soon to a Checkers near you!
Click the link to hear "TO AMBER" NOW!
Let me summarise:
She was our recorder player, she was our friend, Mandy, so young she still had her hygienic seals in tact, we love you wherever you are.Playing 3 killer shows in as many nights made me grateful that I have such a great life. I don’t mean to sound boastful (or say “great” too much), but my life is great, it really is. Sure I work, *insert all of life's other unpleasantries here* and all that jazz but come weekends (and most public holidays) I’m cloaked in music and attempting to embody the spirit of rock ‘n roll - what ever that means, all I know is that it's a highly enjoyable undertaking.
Playing so much is coincidentally also improving our playing skills making them all the better to rock you with. Cha Ching!
There were so many highlights this weekend but I’d mostly like to thank everyone who was right up there with us boogieing down to our music, attempting to embody the rock ‘n roll spirit with us. We feel the love big time!
Loandi sommer wants to do naked star jumps for free!
High-5’s all around!
Until next weekend
Peace in the Middle East
I know my reasons but what’s your excuse
All the money in the world and you’re still a douche
Just learn to love your bad teeth and big tush
All the money in the world and you’re still a douche
White S.L.K and a scrunchie to boot
All the money in the world and you’re still a douche
That’s why I’m going to the voting booth
I’ll never know why some suffer and some don’t
Why the rich get richer and the poor get broke
All I know is that I’m happy with what I’ve got
And money will never buy the things that I’m not
Why are you defined by these material things?
Sense of self attached to the amount that you bling
If you eat lots of chillies your anus will sting
We’re all the same if you look under our skin
KICK IT!
All the money in the world and you’re still a douche
I know my reasons but what’s your excuse
All the money in the world and you’re still a douche
Just learn to love your bad teeth and big tush
All the money in the world and you’re still a douche
White S.L.K and a scrunchie to boot
All the money in the world and you’re still a douche
Wah wah wah waaaaaah
Yeah so it’s a little rough around the edges –hey! - you try finding words that rhyme with “douche”. But that’s how Cortina Whiplash rolls, never daunted by a seemingly futile undertaking, we always persevere!
All douching aside though, things in the Cortina Whiplash camp are crazier than ever, brinjals, noughts, bruises, mosh pits, you name it - it’s happening. I think finally people are starting to hear what we’re saying which is: “Let go of your inhibitions! Liberate your body and mind, make an ass of yourself and enjoy it!” And most of all don’t be afraid because Cortina Whiplash will be there to lead by example.
And to those of you who never had any inhibitions to start with (Joburgers), we salute you!
Until next time.
-Tessa Lily
Lately it’s been an international and local trend to proclaim the death of rock ‘n roll. So as one of SA’s most passionate and dedicated rock ‘n roll acts we thought we should throw our two cents into the mix.
In a nutshell the linked article states that the reason for this proclamation is based mainly on the number of rock acts in the international singles charts, simply put there aren’t any, Florence and the Machine being noted as one of only three “rock” acts in the top 100 selling UK singles acts (I like FATM but don’t know when she became rock ‘n roll). Album sales are down and the quick-fire Idols winners, Justin Biebers, Susan Boyles of the world are being favoured by record labels because of the short-term investment needed to lay a well-produced and packaged single onto the world. It’s a sure fire profit as opposed to investing in the growth and longevity of a rock ‘n roll band.
It’s a fact that the mainstream music industry is fueled by money and if a shaved monkey with a gap tooth could hold a mic and sing, a record label would invest in it and it would probably make more money than Lady Gaga (or is that how they found Lady Gaga *eerie music*). The point is who gives a shit? Do these sorts of acts do anything to change your life besides adding more pomp and little substance to an already over-saturated world? Actually I take that back, I suppose I do give a shit, knowing that a shaved monkey probably would be favoured over all the uber talented and hardworking musicians in this world.
People who believe that the UK single chart is a good barometer for the quality and success of rock ‘n roll music “wouldn’t know good music if it came up and bit them in the ass” – Frank Zappa
But that’s neither here nor there. I think it’s important for us to first establish what rock ‘n roll means. Rock ‘n roll is a hard thing to quantify. To me rock ‘n roll is anything counter culture, but that said, being counter culture is, in a way, buying into a trend just like wear Crocs is buying into a trend. So I guess it’s about your intent, are you buying the Crocs because everyone else is or because they’re comfortable? Rock ‘n roll is about listening to your heart and pursuing the things you’re passionate about, it’s about not giving in to societal pressure to be something you’re not or to do something just because it’s expected of you. To us as Cortina Whiplash, rock ‘n roll is a way of life, it’s an expression of our passion, our emotions and our love of music, it’s about being true to yourself, thinking for yourself and not being motivated by selfishness or arrogance, Jesus was rock ‘n roll, so was Bob Marley, so was Gandhi, so was Nelson Mandela, so was Yoda, they all stuck to their guns, they all made a difference. (Imagine if Gandhi had worked in insurance?) Rock ‘n roll is about us holding onto the belief that one day we will live in a world that values things such as humility over celebrity, kindness over selfish gain, respect for the environment over the size of your car, and music is our platform to voice this message.
So the state of rock ‘n roll is not exactly about how many rock artists are present on the UK single chart, it’s about way more than that - if we loose rock ‘n roll we loose it all.
Or maybe rock ‘n roll is just about loud guitars and smoke machines. But it certainly isn’t about how many rock artists are on the UK single chart.
So come rock out with us at one of our shows or buy the gap-toothed monkey’s album.
Your choice.
LONG LIVE ROCK ‘N ROLL!!
article link: http://www.thenational.ae/arts-culture/music/long-live-rock-n-roll
Finally I get to impose my thoughts on those of you fantastic enough to read this. Lately I’ve been thinking that all the thinking in the world can’t make an alternative band like us more mainstream and so we’ve decided… F*%& MAINSTREAM! Even if that means we’ll be poor and homeless for eternity, yup we will never write a “Kaptein”, so all you “profs” out there can stop telling us that all we need to do to be successful is to write an Afrikaans treffer and dolly ourselves up blah blah blah, (we do such things under a clever pseudonym anyway). Cortina Whiplash are 3 (sometimes 4) girls who’ve been making music together out of their combined necessity for some sort of emotional outlet, music is our therapy and its value way exceeds the value of having thousands of ignoramuses buy our album.
Sure we gig and we try to sell our album, let’s be realistic here, we can’t make music our living if we don’t make a living from it and we constantly walk the fine line between completely selling out on the one hand and maintaining our integrity and original passion for music on the other. Sadly music is the one career choice where you constantly find yourself justifying why you should be paid for what you do. Does anyone ever question an electrician’s fees? Or feel that they have the right to tell a doctor how he/she should do their job?
Let’s set the record straight:
Maybe we’re the idiots for having some sort of message or purpose behind what we do, every time some guy shouts “play some Kurt Darren” from the audience we communally vomit in our mouths and wonder “what’s the point?”, but at this juncture I can’t imagine putting any more thoughtless, empty, meaningless music out there for the sake of making money. Surely we’re not the only ones who feel like the world needs a little more substance?
ARE WE ALONE?
